Three random thoughts: reflections I didn’t expect to write, but probably needed to

Reflections on slow progress, new beginnings, and resisting the pressure to perform.

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I must be honest: I planned to skip this week's newsletter. Life happens, and while being busy working on a new project and a quick getaway to the Hudson Valley, I kept postponing writing it (because I was also unsure about what to write) until I read a comment from a follower on IG saying she looks forward to my newsletter every Sunday. That made my day - and also made me realize I couldn't let her down.

In the midst of trying to figure out my main topic—I want to wait another week to send you my monthly SCREENSHOTS since I'm finishing two books and some series—I realized I had so many good thoughts and reflections over the past few days that perhaps I could share some of them with you.

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1. On being kind and patient when learning something new

I started to take French lessons a little bit over a year ago. It was some old dream of mine that I kept postponed. "When I have more time…" But then I decided to just do it, cause there are some decisions in life that need that push. And learning a language almost from scratch (I won't deny that having Latin language as my mother tongue has some advantages) is a process that humbles you.

I was super excited when I started. Then I got frustrated when I got to the numbers (seriously, did they really need to complicate things that much?). I bought books and promised myself to take some time to dedicate myself, but life happens, and my attempt to study more than my weekly hour with my private teacher just failed. At some point, I found a sweet spot between being excited and being frustrated: I reminded myself that it was a marathon, not a sprint. I should enjoy the process.

In the meantime, I also decided I would spend a month in Paris to immerse myself in the language - more on that in a bit - and decided I would get to the B1 level by the time I arrived in Paris. I realized I function really well with challenges, goals, and timelines. I created a studying schedule. And I wasn't able to follow that…

Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

Then, it came the placement test for my course - to check what is my level of French - and oh God, why grammar has to be so difficult? I was so frustrated when I finished, I felt miserable, stupid and dumb. Then, after talking to my Spanish teacher - which happens to be studying French as well - she brought me back to the reality. "You started a year ago, learning a language takes time, remember that".

So, yeah, of course, she is right. What was I expecting from this test? I mean, I just got started. The test will reflect what I know and what I don't know. Perhaps I should give myself credit for being able to write a little text with more than 50 words and being able to record an audio introducing myself and talking about my life in French - which was unimaginable a year ago. Perhaps I should remember from my last time in Paris when I almost cried tears of happiness for every little interaction and every little thing I would understand. I should be happy about the progress I made so far. Maybe I should celebrate my wins instead of focusing on my failures.

I mean, I've been learning English since I was 10. So, yeah, I guess I had progress with French. And also: this was supposed to be fun.

So, this is just a reminder that things take time. Whatever you are starting to do: learning a language, running, or baking, remember that progress take time and failures are part of the process of learning. I know it sounds cliche, but I had to remind myself of this so many times.

2. On being excited about work

I think I've been confused and lost about my work since the pandemic. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, with some periods better than others. The truth is that since I decided to give up on focusing 100% on NYC and tourism, I’ve never felt so lost.

The ends and the new beginnings

If you ask me if I regret my decision, I will tell you no, not for a minute. I'm proud of everything I've created during the years I was sharing content to help Brazilian tourists traveling to the city, but I don't miss that. It's an important chapter of my journey, but I really can't imagine myself going back. It was so painful at the beginning when I started to realize I didn't want to do that anymore, and, at the same time, people would judge me for my decision, like I had to keep doing things that were not making me happy to please them.

I guess knowing what you don't want is important, but looking for answers to the questions that pop into your mind and not finding them is brutal, especially in a society that keeps telling you that you have to have everything figured out. Of course, I know about my privileges - my husband always earned more money than me, and he was always supportive of my content creation career. It is a luxury to have the time to figure things out. But I can guarantee you that doesn't mean the process was smooth or easy.

Between letting some things go, going deep into self-reflection, finding clarification, and trying to live according to my values, I had so many meltdowns and so many moments where I believed I had hit a wall and was a failure for not having the answers, for not have made it work and for being financially dependent on my husband.

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

After so many periods of being down, questioning myself, and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I finally decided to start executing a plan that was an old dream of mine. I will share more details when I have dates, but it's a podcast, and I hope I can inspire many people with the content I plan to share.

As I mentioned to a friend another day, I don't remember the last time I felt so excited about work like I'm feeling right now. And listen, I have no idea if this is the right bet. All I know is that I feel inspired, excited, eager to make it work, and eager to try—because I figured my fear about starting something was not bigger than my fear of regretting not having tried.

The thing is, you know that quote, "Choose a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"? It is probably not entirely true, especially when we talk about working for yourself or trying to be an entrepreneur. I don't love the idea of hustling forever and dedicating most of my life to work when there's so much to live besides work. But we do live in a system/society where we still need money to survive - and we need to work to have money. And since, unfortunately, we spend a good chunk of our lives working, I guess we not only need to learn how to work smarter, not harder - we need to have some love and some passion because that helps. A lot.

3. A monologue about the costs of maintaining appearances

Thiago and I are obsessed with this new show on Apple TV called "Your Friends and Neighbors" - more on that on my next newsletter, but consider this an extra invite to watch it. Episode 8, aired on Friday, had a monologue that was so intense, and it doesn't even need a lot of context to understand:

We've got rooms in this house we've never even used. Now we're building more. Grace spends too much. I spend too much, it's like a bodily function at this point. We eat, we drink, we buy all this shit. Then we talk about the shit we bought, and then we talk about other shit we're gonna buy, and then we go buy that. Sometimes, I just walk around the house and I… I just look at the sheer volume of shit we have and it fucking mystifies me. I mean, when did we become these people, you know, like when did… when did our lives get so empty… that we have to constantly stuff them full of all this shit.

This hit so hard because overconsumption and building a life to check all the things society expect us to do, buy and achieve is something I've been really thinking a lot over the past year. Our lives revolve so much around things, around buying things, around having to buy things, or having to live in a certain way. And sometimes, when I start to think about that, it disgusts me. So many things are an illusion!

In fact, this monologue reminded me a lot about all the reflections I've read on the book Everything that remains, especially when the author explains how we become slaves of our belongings. I highly recommend this book - it was one of the best books I've read in my life, making me question so many things about the way we live our lives.

While I don't know what else to add to this reflection, I must share what I've been trying to remind myself: this is the only life we got, so we better live it according to our believes and less according to what other people think or to impress or please other people.

That's all! I hope you guys liked these not-so-random thoughts and reflections, and I hope they can bring some light and inspiration to your day! I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections as well…