Serviette, not towel: the small triumphs of living in another language

When everyday tasks feel like Olympic events—and why that's okay when you're learning a new language.

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I searched through the dozens of pockets of my backpack and I even removed all my things from it to make sure I wasn't being dumb. "It has to be here in someplace". I repeated that whole process 2 or 3 times. It wasn't there.

"I think I forgot your towel at the gym this morning,"- I told my sister.

"Make sure to ask if they found it tomorrow morning. I really doubt someone would take a towel," she responded, not too worried about it. "Figure it out. I'm not gonna ask it for you," she added in a casual tone. "It's called serviette", she concluded.

It would be a no-brainer task if I was back home in NYC. But not in Paris, where people speak French and where I'm spending a period studying the language - and trying to avoid speaking English at all costs. So, yes, trying - at least trying - to do that task in French would be the right thing to do since I'm here for an immersion.

The next day, the first thought that came to my mind when I woke up at 6 am to hit the gym was that damned towel. "Ugh!". While walking the distance before my sister's place and the gym, I rehearsed mentally - and out loud - what I would say. I checked Google Translator and adjusted some details. I was confident.

When I arrived at the gym, I felt a little bit of adrenaline and anxiety. But when I entered, the front desk was empty. "I will ask on my way out", I thought. Once I got to the basement floor, where all the weights, dumbbells and kettlebells are placed, a green spot in in the middle of that black and orange room caught my attention. The towel. I collected it and felt relived for having found it. I was also relived for having avoided the dialogue in French - but disappointed for not putting that into practice at the same time.

This little episode can sound silly - and it would never make it to the internet if I was a French person, or if I was fluent in French, or if it had happened in New York City. But add the language barrier layer, and voilà: small tasks become a big deal and consume a lot of your energy, with the potential of making you feel dumb. At least you will have a lot of stories to share, lol.

This is more than a Perrier. It's an overpriced Perrier that I've proudly ordered in French.

In fact, this period in Paris studying French has made me think a lot about the pain and the joys of learning a new language. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I started to take French lessons a little bit over a year ago and, as it happened while having classes online back home, the impostor syndrome also haunts me here. It's a constant battle of reminding myself of what I've accomplished so far and that I should give myself some credit. I guess I've been succeeding more in cheering myself up rather than putting myself down. But I remain vigilant.

Three random thoughts: reflections I didn’t expect to write, but probably needed to

Another day, I was able to order a bottle of sparkling water - and ask the waiter about the brand - in French. While I was there, seated at some charming cafe in a sunny and hot Paris - and overpaying for a little bottle of sparkling water while a lady smoked a cigarette right next to me - I reflected on these small wins involving language learning. Earlier on that day, while paying for my purchase at a famous French pharmacy, I was able to do some small talk with the cashier about the most appropriate time to say Bonjour or Bonsoir. I could never ever do that a year ago. Not to mention all the mornings ordering my coffee in French before my French classes and then spending 4 hours listening to French and understanding what the teacher says 95% of the time. I mean, someone stopped me in the middle of the street another day to ask me for directions and I was able to answer, for God's sake! AND I UNDERSTOOD THEIR QUESTION!

I guess everybody learning a language and being able to do small things - like placing an order or asking something without being helped by anyone else - would feel the same way I feel. Accomplished. Happy. Satisfied. Proud. It’s just magical to realize that what before sounded like just a bunch of “R”s and “U”s and “E”s now - sometimes, not always - sound like real words and sentences. I can almost hear bells and fireworks to celebrate my wins. I guess it's the sense of independence and of being capable that these little achievements bring. Like the aha moments I have every time I’m running and listening to old English songs I used to listen to when I was a teenager and now I finally understand the lyrics, with no efforts.

This is the opposite of the dumb feeling I have every time I don't understand something just because I don't speak that language. Because French is not natural - yet. I have anxiety every time I have to order my lunch and I feel frustrated and defeated when people switch to English. I mean, come on, am I THAT bad? And, by the way, why do they automatically think everyone who doesn't speak French speaks English? Whatever… that alone would be a whole new discussion. Not to count my desperation when dealing with grammar and all the forms of verbs, regulars, and irregulars… Yes, sometimes I feel I will never be able to learn and properly speak the language.

And while I'm learning French for personal development - and because it's something that truly interests me - I can also connect this experience to the experience of starting a life in a different country, in a country that speaks a language different from your native language. I know this because I've been there already. Yes, I spoke - some - English when I moved to NYC, but it was far from the English I speak today. And can you imagine dealing with all those small battles of learning a new language while navigating a new life? From finding your favorite supermarket to discover how to navigate bureaucracy, everything is unknown. So much mental energy!

So, I guess my whole point here is to remind ourselves to give us some credit - especially if you are someone living in another country and navigating a new life in another language. Things take time and you are a badass for trying. It's a marathon, not a sprint - and I will keep repeating that. Kudos to everyone that decided to embark on the crazy adventure of starting a life in a new place.

And by the way, I just googled kudos for / to before adding it to this text.

PS: I will share a complete post - probably on my blog - about my experience studying French, with practical tips for the “student life” and the Parisian life.