I'm tired of social media: why I'm redefining my digital life
In a world driven by endless scrolling and viral moments, I found myself questioning the true cost of staying connected. Here's my take on stepping back, taking control, and focusing on what matters.
In May, I posted about deleting my Instagram for a few days and how that made me feel good. I reflected on how I had underestimated the app's impact on my mental health and productivity to the point that it felt wrong to go back. I remember saying I needed a plan—I didn't want to spend the same amount of time I was spending before.
Now, here we are, seven months later. Since I didn't set up a plan when I got back to the app, it should be no surprise that I also got back to the same old habits, spending countless hours on my phone, feeling drained, exhausted, anxious, and depressed. As time passed, my disgust with social media—especially Instagram—also increased. Finally, I hit my limits. I had enough. I needed to take action.
That didn't happen overnight. And that's what I want to talk about: all the reflections I've been doing over the past few weeks—and how being vulnerable and sticking to my core values was important through this process—and the steps I've been taking to be more present, to question, and to plan my future.
I know I'm not alone, and I don't intend to put myself in a better position than anyone. I just want to share my thoughts and perhaps shed some light on this topic. So, let's dig in.
A little context
If you are new here, it's nice to meet you! I'm a Brazilian journalist based in New York City, and I've been working as a content creator and influencer for over a decade. And things were so different when I started. Social media was non-existent - did Orkut count as social media? - and I first started writing on my blog, the platform that has mostly brought me joy over the years. We all know what happened then: Instagram was born (I miss the only-photos days), then Snapchat, and then TikTok - which brought the rise of short-form videos. I'm not gonna lie: I always get excited about new social media channels and the new possibilities, but let's say things got a little bit out of control…
I started as a beauty and fashion blogger, then, after moving to NYC in 2014, I pivoted to content around city tips—in Portuguese. I built a platform I'm proud of, with hundreds of pieces of content (blog posts, Instagram posts, Youtube videos). When the pandemic hit, I was already tired of that, and again, I pivoted to content more geared towards lifestyle and travel, now in English.
But as someone who started creating long-form pieces of content, I'm not gonna lie. I got tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed by the way things work on social media, especially on Instagram, with the TikTok effect and the constant chasing of the viral effect.
What am I doing?
When I finally realized I didn't want to exclusively create content about NYC anymore—neither in Portuguese—I went through a process. To be honest, I'm still reflecting on it. For years, I have defined myself as an NYC blogger who guided my audience on the best things to do in NYC. That was my core, my mission. When I decided to do something new, I felt a little lost.
Also, when you decide to start fresh, it is never 100% fresh, let's face it. First, because I truly believe that our know-how and skills can be transferred in one way or another. Second, because in my case, I was changing niches, but I have a lot of experience in the digital field. And a lot of frustrations. In some way, that takes out that joy from when you are starting something new and you don't know anything about it and you are just moved by passion.
As a result, during this transition time, while I'm exploring new things and topics and planning what I'm going to create, sometimes I ask myself, what am I even doing? And why?
That hit me hard when I watched Buy Now! The Shopping Conspiracy on Netflix. This documentary - described as depressing by my husband, which I agree - "pulls back the curtain on the world's top brands, exposing the hidden tactics and covert strategies used to keep all of us locked in an endless cycle of buying - no matter the cost." Let's say I knew about a lot of the things they exposed in the documentary, but other ones were shocking. I got so mad and disgusted by the whole "Buy! Buy! Buy!" and "Sell! Sell! Sell! Sell!" thing. I know we all need money to survive, but am I the only one who gets tired of most of our lives being around money and making more of that?
It also really bothered me to see myself, in some way, being part of that—because that's what happens when you are a content creator/influencer. At the end of the day, this whole influencing thing is also around promoting things for people to buy. I guess I see myself in a conflict sometimes. Isn't kind of going against my values?
At the same time, I feel "trapped" in this "business model" where you get money by promoting brands. I still only promote things I truly believe in and use. I try to incentivize secondhand shopping. I say a lot of no's to brand partnerships that are not aligned with my values. But watching that documentary perhaps also made me think about the things that I don't want to do.
I got so mad and disgusted by the whole "Buy! Buy! Buy!" and "Sell! Sell! Sell! Sell!" thing. I know we all need money to survive, but am I the only one who gets tired of most of our lives being around money and making more of that?
So much noise
The other thing that made me reflect a lot over the last few weeks was a podcast that was just launched in Brazil. It's called "De Saída —a vida fora da internet", which can be translated as "On the way out—Life outside the internet." Over four episodes, the host, Chico Felitti, and his team explore our relationship with social media—and they also talk with people who have given up on social media.
The main protagonist of this documentary is a former Brazilian YouTuber, Julia Tolezano. She got famous back in 2015 by posting videos about life - she would make deep reflections about various topics while talking to the camera. JoutJout, her nickname, was huge—she even became a TV host at some point. And then one day, she just quit. She said she had nothing else to say, so that's why she quit. She literally disappeared.
The podcast is an audio documentary about finding JoutJout to interview her and get her perspective about her internet exit while they discuss the whole social media game. One of the topics that really struck me was the fact that everyone has an opinion on the internet—which, by the way, is valid; everyone is entitled to an opinion. But do we need to vocalize our opinion every single time? About every single topic?
They also dig into the sad reality around "content creation." Everything today is about that - even when you are not a content creator. Are you an esthetician? Are you an architect? You need to create content to promote your business. Are you a foreign language teacher? You need to create content to promote your business.
And the most hilarious thing was seeing people discussing the podcast on Twitter and Threads with such entitled opinions, whether judging the girl, whether complaining about the internet, whether pointing privileges. Some of the discussions were noble, but most of them just prove the whole point of the podcast: there's so much noise online.
To bring some interesting perspective to this debate and opinion topic, I've recently started to listen to "Conversations with People Who Hate Me", a book by Dylan Marron. In one of the chapters, he explores the debate topic, and that was so enlightening for me. He states that we love debate because it satisfies our itch to "declare a winner and a loser at the end of a battle". It is the same reason that makes us love sports. "Social media platforms promise us bountiful hauls of gold coins if we do it well", Marron continues. "Social media platforms flatten other human beings into two-dimensional avatars, making it all the easier to see our enemies—or perceived enemies—not as fellow people, but bullseyes on which we can perfect our aim". And we believe it is a productive way to fight for our beliefs. "But what does winning a debate actually do? Does it change minds? Does it advance social justice causes? That would be lovely if so, but I worry that it is more of a performance for those who have already made up their minds. An opportunity to impress those who already agree with us."
Bingo. Listen, I'm not saying that people should not fight for their causes. But I guess we must be mindful about where we choose to do that. Screaming in caps on Instagram, X, and Facebook comment sections just adds to the noise. That made me realize that most of the time, when people push others to endorse a candidate, for example, it is not because they are interested in a conversation about it. It's to check if that person's opinion is aligned with theirs.
"But what does winning a debate actually do? Does it change minds? That would be lovely if so, but I worry that it is more of a performance for those who have already made up their minds. An opportunity to impress those who already agree with us."
And listen, I rarely engage in a discussion online - but I lost count of the number of times I opened comment sections of controversial posts just to measure the heat and to see myself on this "sport" of gambling on some people while laughing on others and assuming the ones I disagree with are just miserable. An incredible waste of my time - my most valuable asset. Remember: you, me, and the rest of the world are not getting any younger.
Why am I doing it?
As this documentary, podcast and audiobook were hitting me, I started to ask myself some questions and reflect on my internet presence. And there was some extra fact that annoyed me. Imagine the scene: a young woman refuses to switch seats with a kid. Someone records a video showing this woman and complains about her "lack of empathy". When the video was published on the internet, instead of hating the woman as was expected by the person who recorded the video, people just loved her for sticking to what was her right. But the recording and the refusal went viral, and the woman's profile on IG, who doesn't say a single word on the video, gained 2.3 million - yes, millions - followers in less than 4 days. Yeah, it's true. It happened two weeks ago, in Brazil. The young woman is now managing her time between TV appearances and partnerships with big retailers and brands in Brazil. All she did was refuse to switch her seat. And her decision went viral. I found an article about it in English here.
What was intriguing - not to say revolting - is that I often see people complaining about the whole influencer world. "Stop making stupid people famous", they say. "The content is so shallow", they also say. Meanwhile, people also made this girl's IG account huge. While at the beginning, the comments were praising the girl, now that she got her fame, we can see countless other comments talking about her personality and complaining about her lack of charisma. "That's enough", someone said. It's controversial, to say the least.
As the days passed, the woman was accumulating more and more followers, and people were joking about their desire to be filmed on a plane and had the video going viral, I got really disappointed and hopeless. Why am I creating content? Why am I spending my time planning videos that sometimes don't even get seen and are quickly forgotten? Is there any space to share ideas or inspiration or is everything saturated? Is it worth it, or should I perhaps focus my energy on other projects and ideas?
So, suddely, I caught myself in the middle of all this internet madness. There's so much conversation and great things on social media - but there's also so much noise and so many pieces of content that are unnecessary. And I feel we are all screaming at the same time. And it's hard to balance that and be like, "I will only post when I have something relevant to say," when all that the platforms want you to do is post, post, post. Then, you have your value defined by numbers such as likes, views, comments, shares, and saves. It's like your merit is defined by those numbers. When they are high, you feel great. When they are low, you feel like a failure. It doesn't matter if you were confident about what you posted. Nothing like a flopped piece of content to make you feel like you are not good enough. Even though, rationally, you know that doesn't define your worth.
Sometimes, I feel like the internet is just a parallel world. A parallel world where, as creators, we are constantly worried about pleasing people we don't even know. As an audience, we are constantly reminded how we are not good enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough, happy enough, or rich enough. A world where we want to look good, to look interesting. A world that is all about the "fake it until you make it" speech and forever pretending.
And there are the boundaries. I have mine. I can play the game - but I'm not gonna sell my soul.
As someone who is also in the audience, I feel trapped in the scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, too. We waste so much of our time just consuming content we didn't ask for and feel like we didn't absorb anything (and worst, we feel tired and like we could have used that time for something better). We don't know how to be bored. We are so addicted to the dopamine released by the use of social media that it makes us trapped into checking our phones every now and there in search of a better video to watch or more likes and comments.
What now?
All these facts and reflections, my dear reader, made me ask some important questions over the last weeks. Who am I outside this internet world - which is also my work? How can I define myself out of the whole content creator role? Where do I find joy? What kind of impact do I want to create? How can I still do what I love in a sustainable way? Can I ignore the noise constantly telling me I'm not good enough and I'm not doing enough? Perhaps the most significant question that leads to immediate action is: will spending more time scrolling non-stopping on IG, by any chance, make me reach my personal and professional goals or be happier or healthier? I don't think so.
As much as I love to create content and as much as I know that we should adapt ourselves to the platforms and blah blah blah, I also believe in sticking to our values and principles. And to the things we love. And keep things that serve us while reminding ourselves of the things we have control over and what we are willing to do. In my case, I was catching myself on a roller coaster of emotions, where one day, I was believing I could conquer the world, and in the others, I was questioning my entire existence while just wanting to give up. I was noticing myself unfocused and tired, without time to dedicate to other things I love - like reading and studying. I was really annoyed by my attachment - not to say addiction - to social media, so I needed to take action.
I started to seriously limit my time on IG - it has been almost two weeks since this new approach, but 4 days in, I already noticed a HUGE difference in my mental health and my well-being. One day, after getting home from work, my husband even said: "Wow, you are feeling good, right?". The change was noticeable. I guess as a creator, scrolling nonstop and comparing myself with other creators was not serving me in any way - without even mentioning the waste of precious time that can be used for other things and the feeling of being drained.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I know I'm not alone. Sometimes, while having lunch, I like to watch something productive on Youtube, and because I had done some research on this topic, the platform suggested to me some videos about people quitting social media and it was so enlightening. I felt less alone. And perhaps less embarrassed by my behavior. But definitely more confident about my decision of not going back to old habits that were not serving me.
I guess this is the most important question we should ask: how is this - app, habit, person, belief - serving me? Like I mentioned before, time is our more precious asset. It's so easy to take that for granted and let us be distracted by the world's noises.
And before I lead you to the social media trap of perfect life and you finish this post believing I'm now the best person in the planet, please know that looking at the blinking cursor while writing this piece was not comfortable at all - and I may have escaped to another tab and even to my phone. It is still an old habit. But I'm working on it.
Wishing you Happy Holidays and thank you so much for being here!
PS: I've been using an app called Freedom to help me limit the time of my phone. Freedom is a productivity and focus app designed to block distractions across devices. It allows users to create a distraction-free work environment by preventing access to specific apps, websites, or the entire internet during scheduled focus periods. It works across multiple devices (computers, smartphones, and tablets) with a single account. The app offers a 7-day free trial and different plans after that.
PS2: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". I don't believe people change because we tell them to. People change because they want to. I just wanted to highlight that. It took me months and countless reflections to get to this point. But only because I decided to. Be kind to yourself and know your values.
PS3: I'm not quitting IG - I'm trying to be intentional on how I use it. I’m designating a time to access the platform when I have content to post - and I can respond to comments and messages through Meta Business Suite, which makes me to avoid being constantly in contact with the posts from the platform. Surprisingly, I've been having more posts ideas by stepping back the platform. Besides this Substack - that brings me so much joy and it's a space to create content in a way I believe - I also have other platforms to work on, plus ideas and projects I want to pursue.
Thank you Laura for such a relevant and interesting text. It's exactly what I've been thinking about for the last few months: what's the point of posting things on Instagram in search of likes, comments or scrolling through the screen, feeling addicted and in the end, anxious and with the feeling that I didn't absorb anything and wasted my time. I'm going to think of a plan to redirect my focus to interesting things, after all I was already pretty tired of social media.
So many things to say about this text! I dont keep the app on my phone and whenever I want to check on a friend or a brand on IG, I open it on the browser. The UX is not the same, so I quickly leave, which is very helpful. Since the burnout I became obsessed with the called "boring business", like buying a laundromat or something. I've been also opening a new front on my business for btob clients, which doesnt demand a heavy load of content to reach the masses. What we do is unsustainable on the long run and we must have a plan B, C, D...