Status: sober curious

A reflection on my alcohol consumption in a society that normalizes drinking and demonizes sobriety.

Photo by Kelsey Knight on Unsplash

"I will get another cocktail, what about you?" - my friend asks me. We were in a bar, and each of us had one drink already.

"I'm good. I'm not gonna order anything else" - I answered.

"And why is that?" - she asked me, kind of disappointed. 

"I'm good" - I repeated myself  - "I know that I may not have a good day tomorrow if I decide to have another drink now so that I will save it" - I continued.

"Oh, I'm sure you will be fine" - she insisted. 

"I know myself, plus I've been sick, so I should take it easy on my body" - I explained.

Something about having to explain my decision made me think about this topic: my relationship with alcohol and how we normalized the consumption of it. 

Just a note to my friends reading this: I love you, and this is not about you.

I grew up in Southern Brazil. Living my entire life in a small town and having big families on my dad's and mom's sides, every holiday or special occasion was an excuse for a huge family party with lots of food. A churrasco - the word we use for barbecue - with different kinds and cuts of meats served with potato salad, bread, farofa (a side dish made from toasted cassava flour that's crunchy and nutty), and other kinds of salads, were the official menu. Barbecue is a strong tradition in Brazil, especially in the South - so strong that, in this region, the apartments are already designed with a square hole in the brick of the terrace or balcony, so you can cook the meat. It's our version of grill. 

All that food would be served with alcohol. Lots of alcohol. It would start with caipirinhas - a classic Brazilian cocktail made with cachaça (a liquor made from cane sugar), lime, sugar, and lots of ice. It reminds you of Margarita - but the cachaça makes the flavor a little different and, perhaps, stronger. After the caipirinha, it was time for beers. Dozens of 20oz bottles of cold beer would be shared between the adult family members. I would say most of them were men: my dad, my uncles, my grandfather. I don't know why women would not drink beer - perhaps because they were too busy setting everything up and doing the dishes. Though on my mom's side, I remember her and her sisters drinking red wine. They would share one or two bottles over the lunch. My grandmother would have a glass of dark beer, her favorite. 

The soundtrack of the house hosting the party after lunch would include the noise of the dishes being washed and loud and annoying snores from the men who, after drinking and eating for 3-hour straight, would have no other choice but to take a nap to recover the food - and alcohol - coma. 

The scenario would be similar when we would go to a wedding party, dinner at my parents' friend's place, or any other celebration. I remember wanting to go home and hearing my dad's excuse: "Ok, after I get a last beer". But it would never be the last one. I didn't like my dad's behavior after these social events. His eyes would look smaller, his expression was from someone who you couldn't take seriously anymore, and there was a strong smell of alcohol. He would also get silly, wanting to say how much he loved us, and ending sleeping on the couch and snoring, loudly. Convincing him to take a shower and sleeping on his bed was a battle that we, eventually, would win. Though my dad never ever acted in bad ways towards us, I never liked his personality after drinking a lot. 

Alcohol consumption - or, should I say, exaggerated consumption - was very normalized in my family circle and my parents' circle of friends. Let's just add that my 86-year-old grandfather had a fatal heart attack while he was pouring a shot of cachaça before dinner. It was a habit he had, and he repeated it twice a day, every single day, for the last years of his life - perhaps, the last decade. Another uncle died from cirrhosis. That never seemed to scare my dad, who, until these days, enjoys some random shots of cachaça here and there and often exaggerates beer consumption. He won't admit that it is a problem. 

"You're not special," - I told him last time I was in Brazil while my sister and I were lecturing about his bad habits. I was trying to show him that no one is immune to being really sick due to unhealthy choices in life. "We all get the check at some point," I warned him.

But this is not about my dad - and I guess I can't blame him. We could argue that everybody knows that a healthy diet and exercising - and avoiding drugs, smoking, and alcohol are among the guidelines for a healthy life. But do we really know? I don't think we truly understand what happens in our bodies and how our good - or bad - habits can impact our lives. And when you don't get it, it's hard to buy the idea and change your mindset about your choices.

Growing up in this environment, I guess I learned to normalize alcohol consumption. I don't remember how old I was when I had my first drink, but it was way before turning 18 - the legal drinking age in Brazil. Let's say that this law was not strictly enforced. And let's say that I never drank "socially" when going out. No. I would drink to get drunk and wasted - whatever my threshold was. Period. There's an old quote in Portuguese that says: "I drink to feel bad. If I wanted to feel good, I'd take medicine." There were countless times when I would wake up super late the next day after going out to a party, feeling hungover and miserable - not to mention the times when I was so drunk during the parties that I would throw up in the bathroom before the party was over. My dad never said a word. I would always notice he was bothered by seeing me hungover, but I assume he knew he had no morals to give me a lecture. My mom, on the other hand, would laugh. They were both younger one day and also had those experiences, so I believe they knew that was part of the package of growing up. Looking back, I now ask myself why I was acting like that. I wonder if it was my subconsciousness trying to get my father's attention by mimicking his behavior. Or, if I was just a young girl trying to have fun and testing her own limits with alcohol.

I'm glad that didn't last forever. High school and college represented my wild era of parties and alcohol. Then, I slowed down. After moving to NYC and finding myself as a foodie, I discovered the world of mixology and developed a high appreciation for cocktails, while exploring all kinds of wine and a variety of beers. Getting older, I learned my limits - over the years, I would feel the impact of the alcohol in my body the next day - and I'm talking about two drinks, not necessarily a drinking marathon. And being someone who has been consuming alcohol since my adolescence, it always struck me to meet people who would not drink - at all. 

"Do you want a drink?" - I would ask. 

"No, I don't drink" - the person would answer. 

"BOOOOOORING!" - it was my immediate thought. Nobody needs to be drunk, but, come on, a drink doesn't kill anyone. In my mind, alcohol was - and still is - related to socializing, relaxing and, why not, rewarding yourself.

However, a little over a year ago, after realizing I had put on some weight, I decided to start a new diet plan and change my workout routine to lose those extra pounds. I always had what I considered a healthy lifestyle - that included homemade meals and an exercising routine, but also included weekends splurging on restaurants. Plus, as an influencer and content creator, I get a lot of invites to events that often include food and delicious cocktails. And any event would be a perfect opportunity just to indulge myself.  I thought I was in control and had a balanced lifestyle - even if that lifestyle sometimes included 4 or 5 cocktails in a week. I would love to say the opposite, but that probably could not be translated to "balance" when it becomes a constant.

So when I started a new eating plan, my dietician established a routine with me that limited the amount of "free meals" or "cheat days" - and that, of course, also included reducing my alcohol consumption. I must tell you: it was pretty hard at the beginning. But because I had a big goal, my choices mattered. Making hard choices is part of being an adult, and I assume everybody knows that. 

It was not the first time I had started a "diet," but it was the first time that I definitely started to change my mindset and understand the impact of my habits. After seeing so many people talking about the benefits of longevity related to strength training, for example, I decided to prioritize that as well. And I guess that when you fully understand what impacts your quality of life, your choices are not defined as a "sacrifice" per se anymore.

I know, I know: you are probably thinking that I'm here to say that I quit alcohol and became a "boring" person... No, I didn't. But, since I embarked on this journey of learning more about nutrition and the impacts of moving my body, I also gauged some interest in this world of alcohol consumption. After listening to some podcasts about the topic and consuming other forms of content around it, I started to feel embarrassed for judging sober people on their choice of not drinking at all. Like, I was not respecting these people for their choices, putting myself in a better place. From a health perspective, it's probably exactly the opposite. 

Can I blame myself for that? Alcohol is, by definition, a drug, and our bodies start to work to get rid of that at the moment we start drinking it. There are a lot of bad side effects - not even counting addiction and life-risk events. But alcohol has become normalized. 

It is so normal that we just assume people drink… and get shocked when we encounter people that don't share the same habit. While reviewing my last interview for my Locals' Picks tag and checking my guest's answer to my question about her recs on places for drinks, it hit me. "I don't drink alcohol" - her response also made me think about this normalization.  

I would see tons of people afraid of making a recipe with a tablespoon of sugar or avoiding gluten or lactose (when they are not even intolerant), but normalizing being wasted on family reunions like the ones I attended when I was a kid. Another day, after posting on my Ig stories about some delicious mocktails I had tried at a restaurant, I caught myself explaining my choice. "We are hiking tomorrow morning, so I avoided alcohol", I wrote. Part of me didn't want people assuming I was pregnant, just because I chose a non-alcoholic drink. Because that's usually what happens when a woman that drinks decides to avoid alcohol. On the other hand, I don't remember explaining myself on social media when I do choose to have a cocktail.  Isn't that insane? 

To clarify and set the tone: for now, I don't think I will quit alcohol. I enjoy a well-crafted cocktail - as it happens with cooking, I'm also fascinated by mixology and the art of mixing spirits and creating unique flavors with liquors. And I definitely appreciate good wine. But I gave myself permission to question this choice, keep digging and listening to my body. I guess I can call myself a sober curious. Cheers.